Building children’s self-esteem

Building children’s self-esteem

The emotional “bank account”!

Building children’s self-esteem is about helping them to fill up their emotional “bank account”. It’s also about helping them to recognise when they (or someone else) are “stealing” from their bank!

So how does an emotional bank account work? 

It’s just like a bank. You can make withdrawals, you can make deposits. You can borrow, you can lend, and you can be robbed!

Think of it as a joint account!

You are a signatory, and everyone else you come into contact with is also a signatory.  

What this means is you can operate your account and so can everyone else! 

Building children’s self-esteem is about teaching them to manage their emotional bank account!

Our job is to help them understand each type of transaction.

But first, let’s quickly talk about the Abbotts.

The Abbotts!

Some of us have met the Abbotts, others are living with the Abbotts, and some of us are the Abbotts!   

What’s an Abbott? (Pronounced Ah-but!). 

Ah-buts are thoughts of doubt. 

You can have them all on your own, or someone else can give them to you!

Here’s how self-doubt works.

You have an idea, then you think, “Ah-but, I’m not smart enough”, or “I don’t have time”, or some other destructive thought that has only one purpose, stop you from believing in yourself!

Here’s how other-doubt works.

You tell someone about your idea, and they say, “Ah-but, you’re not clever enough”, or they point out why you can’t succeed. Just because they don’t think they could do it, doesn’t mean that you can’t! 

We call these Ah-buts “the dream stealers”!

Either way, building children’s self-esteem is in part about teaching them to protect themselves from the Ah-buts.

It’s all about their emotional bank account!

Let’s say a full account equals £100 and represents high self-esteem. Keeping our account topped up means we need to receive deposits as well as make withdrawals.

If we continue to make self-destructive withdrawals (telling ourselves we’re no good), then over time we’ll become bankrupt. 

If others steal our emotional stability by telling us we’re stupid or ugly or by making us feel bad about ourselves, then we’ve been robbed!

Building children’s self-esteem is about encouragement. It’s about “loaning” emotional support and helping them to believe in themselves, no matter how unrealistic their dreams might seem to us! It’s all about helping them build up a positive self-image and a “can do” attitude.

It’s about making deposits into their account, even when your own account is low!

Our job is about helping them to recognise their own Ah-buts and teaching them to re-frame negative thoughts into positive alternatives.

It’s also about telling them to be very careful about who they share their dreams with!

Free Child Self-Esteem Check


After all, you know them better than anyone!

The check is free. Your child is priceless!