Build Children’s Confidence
How to build children’s confidence
People have been asking to hear my thoughts about how to build children’s confidence.
Lets begin by considering how self-confidence or loss of self-confidence occurs.
But, before we do that it’s really important to know that confidence level is an outcome of our beliefs. It’s also helpful to understand that beliefs are formed from repeatedly experiencing the same emotion and continually thinking the same thought, negative or positive!
Some of us have never questioned ourselves. Never worried if we’re good enough. Have never had an internal fight. If this is your case, I believe you are exceptional because the majority of people question their abilities at one time or another.
Doubting our own capabilities coupled up with emotional feelings of inadequacy can lead to the formation of destructive self-beliefs. The thing is that once developed, our beliefs drive our behaviour.
What this means is that we always behave in a way that fulfils our belief.
For example, if we have a belief that we are fat, then our belief drives us to behave in a way to support our belief. In other words, we eat.
The first step
What I’m saying is that before building self-confidence, we must first develop positive, constructive self-beliefs.
The second step
We must identify the beliefs about ourselves that are holding us back.
The third step
Is to “re-frame” the destructive self-beliefs by turning them into constructive ones.
One way to do this is to ask ourselves, “is this a destructive or constructive self-belief?” Is it leading me toward a negative or positive outcome?
If the answer is “it’s negative”, then we must overwrite that thought with a positive alternative. If the answer is “it’s positive”, then our job is to think it more!
Here’s where the confidence comes in
We all know that it’s really tough to change our minds about something that we’ve believed in for a long time. So to begin with when we want to replace a negative belief with a positive one, we have very low confidence in our ability to change, because we don’t believe what we are telling ourselves.
Let me describe what I mean
I’m fat. I’ve been fat for years. I see people look at me with disgust. I feel the emotions of being ridiculed and shunned. I see myself and don’t like what I see.
I “know” I am fat, therefore when I start telling myself “I am slim and attractive now” I “know” it isn’t true. I don’t believe it. The effect, in the beginning, is little confidence & belief in my new thought pattern.
To change, we must persevere
Remember, our belief drives our behaviour, which means if we don’t change our belief, we will not change our behaviour.
We need will-power too!
To begin with, it requires a tremendous amount of will-power because our existing belief totally overpowers our new thought. Therefore, we need to repeat the new positive thought over and over to ourselves until there is a “glimmer of hope”, a tiny spark of confidence, a thought that we can do it. With repetition, our new thought gets stronger because we begin to believe it. When this happens our behaviour will start to change, and our confidence will grow.
How to build children’s confidence
Therefore the way to build children’s confidence is firstly about helping them to develop and reinforce their constructive self-beliefs. It’s also about teaching them to identify their destructive beliefs. Finally, it’s about helping them learn how to re-frame their destructive self-beliefs and turn them into positive ones.
We all know it makes sense because most of us will recognise that, as children, we believed things about ourselves that, as adults, we no longer believe to be true.
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